[youtubelearn video_code="TD-xPiwtyHA" srt_name="livingwithocd" player_length=""]

Eight. That’s how many times I have to blink after waking up to a day full of very, very strange rituals. Now, careful not to get out of my bed with the wrong foot. And I am off to some algebra. One, two, three. One, two, three.
八。這是我起床後必須眨眼的次數，而接下來的一天會充滿非常、非常奇怪的習慣。現在，小心不要用錯腳下床。我要開始算一些數學。一、二、三。一、二、三。

Most people think that OCD means obsessively washing your hands and trying to align everything. Trust me, things are about to get a lot more f**ked up as we carry on.
大部分的人都覺得強迫症的意思就是瘋狂洗手，還要把所有東西排好。相信我，隨著人生繼續下去，狀況會遠比這糟。

Now it’s time to attempt leaving the house. I start by lifting my hand off the doorknob using a very specific slow movement. I enter the elevator, and I stop it, obviously. You didn’t think I’d leave without checking the door, did you? Don’t be silly. I’ll be back, at least twice. Yeah, there it is. I go down. I enter the car.
現在是試圖離開家的時候了。我先從關門開始，我以非常特殊又緩慢的動作讓手放掉門把。我進了電梯，然後，沒錯，我讓電梯門停了下來。你以為我會不檢查門鎖好沒就直接離開嗎？別傻了。我一定會回來，至少兩次。好，有鎖。我下樓。我坐進車子。

Doing pretty well so far, no intrusive thoughts for the past 30 seconds. Think I’m going for a combo here. And then, Mr. Satan comes along and whispers into my ear, “Did you check the window, taps, lights, power?" And I reply, “Yes, Mr. Satan. I did." But I have to go back, and I have to check. Otherwise, I get the feeling something terrible might happen.
目前做得很好，剛剛 30 秒內都沒有什麼擾人的念頭。我想我應該可以連續成功。但是接著，撒旦先生來了，在我耳邊低語：「妳有沒有檢查窗戶、水龍頭、電燈、電源？」我回答：「有的，撒旦先生。我檢查過了。」但我還是得回去，然後再檢查一次。不然我會覺得有什麼不好的事情會發生。

I love to eat. But I am pretty sure that if loaves of bread with unevenly spread butter were the only food available on earth, I would starve to death. I also avoid certain meals just because they have a weird texture that reminds me of worms.
我很愛吃東西。但我很確定，如果世界上的食物只剩下沒抹勻奶油的麵包，我一定會餓死。我也避免吃某些特定的餐點，因為它們奇怪的口感會讓我想到蟲。

And I have to touch specific objects many times until it feels just right. But now that I think of it, that sounded weirdly sexual, so please don’t take this out of context.
我會摸某些物體很多次，直到我覺得感覺對了。但現在想想，聽起來有點怪，好像有點色色的，但請不要亂想。

Um, anyway, here comes the messed-up part. I get these terrible urges to ride off the road, hit a tree, jump off the bridge, run over my ex-boyfriend. And then I’m sitting there, wondering, Am I really capable of doing all these things? I don’t want to die, and surely I don’t want to kill anyone—though my ex is asking for it. And you might be sitting there, thinking, Sweet Jesus, how do I file a restraining order against this crazy bitch? And I can’t really blame you, but let me explain how intrusive thoughts work.
嗯，反正，接下來就是很糟的部分了。我會有一些很可怕的衝動，想要開車到路上、撞上一棵樹、從橋上跳下去、輾過我前男友。接著我會坐在這裡思考：我真的有辦法做這些事情嗎？我不想死，我也絕對不想要殺任何人－－雖然是我前男友自找的。你可能會坐在那裡，想著：我的天，我要怎麼跟法院申請禁制令限制這個瘋女人？我沒辦法怪你，但讓我解釋這些擾人的想法怎麼運作的。

Most of us get them, but normal people leave them behind, and they cheerfully get back to watching funny cat videos online. Now, if you have OCD, you will start picking each thought apart and the next thing you know, you are stuck with a bunch of new rituals—one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight—that make you look like you are high on acid.
大部分的人都會有這種想法，但正常人會把這些念頭拋諸腦後，接著開心地回去看網路上有趣的貓咪影片。而如果你有強迫症，你會開始過度鑽研每個念頭，接著你回過神來後，你已經陷入一大堆習慣中－－一、二、三、四、五、六、七、八－－讓你看起來彷彿處於吸毒後的恍惚狀態。

And there is a part of me that knows all of this is utterly stupid and pointless, but giving in and, you know, performing some witchcraft is always so much easier than having to face the terrible thoughts my mind projects.
其實某部分的我知道我做的這些行為全都非常愚蠢又沒意義，但你知道，妥協並做出一些像是巫術的舉動，比面對我腦中產生的可怕想法簡單多了。

I’m 27, and I am scared to death if I leave my bathroom door open. I’d really like to be in charge, but at the end of the day, I know I…just can’t stop.
我 27 歲，如果我把浴室門開著我會嚇死。我很想要掌控我的行為，但到頭來，我知道我…就是無法停下來。

影片來源：