標籤彙整： The Ellen Show

「【艾倫秀】就是這些荒謬爆笑的照片讓 Ellen 不想生小孩啦！」- Why I Don’t Have Kids

「【艾倫秀】就是這些荒謬爆笑的照片讓 Ellen 不想生小孩啦！」- Why I Don’t Have Kids

初級 Beginners,北美腔,已上字幕影片,趣味 Entertainment,,,

[youtubelearn video_code="xGG-BrogOCY" srt_name="whyidonthavekids" player_length=""]

People come up to me all the time and ask me the same question over and over again: Will you marry me? And another question they ask is “Why don’t you have kids?" And, I love kids. I really do. I love babies; I love kids. They’re cute. They’re funny; they’re sweet. But sometimes I’ll see a picture; it reminds me of why I don’t have kids, and it gave me an idea for a new segment that I’m calling “Why I Don’t Have Kids."
大家很常來找我，一直問我一樣的問題：妳願意跟我結婚嗎？然後另一個他們很愛問的問題是「為什麼妳不生小孩啊？」我很愛小孩。真的很喜歡。我喜歡小嬰兒；喜歡小孩。他們超可愛的。小孩很好笑又很貼心。但有時候我看到某些照片，就會讓我想起來為什麼我不想生小孩，這也讓我想到一個新的節目橋段，叫做「為什麼我不生小孩」。

All right, this first one is from an Instagram account called Kids Are the Worst.
好，第一張是「小孩超討厭」這個 Instagram 帳號 po 的照片。

I love my dad.
我愛把拔。

That’s a screwdriver in her hand, and she just carved “I love my dad" right into his car. It’s a sweet sentiment. It really is. You should see what she did—did you see what she did for Mother’s Day?
她手上拿的是螺絲起子，她直接在她爸的車上刻了「我愛把拔」。這其實是一種很貼心的情感啦。真的。你們應該看看她做了什麼－－你們有看到她在母親節做了什麼事情嗎？

I love my mom.
我愛馬麻。

Yeah.
沒錯。

This next one was sent in by Kenny Roberts from La Crescenta, California.
下一張是住在加州拉克雷森塔的 Kenny Roberts 寄來的。

Oh!
喔！

But she’s cute. She’s part—I think she’s half-Italian, half-terrier. By the way, both of those kids are up for immediate adoption.
但她很可愛耶。她一半是－－我覺得她是義大利跟梗犬混血吧。喔對了，這兩個小孩現在都可以領養喔。

This is from an Instagram account called Moms Who Need Wine. Well, first of all, don’t all moms need wine? I don’t know. This is what they posted.
接下來的照片是 Instagram 帳號「需要喝酒的媽媽」發的。不過，首先，不是每個媽媽都很需要喝酒嗎？我不知道。這張就是他們 po 的照片。

Now, it truly sucks to be a little brother. Nothing’s gonna come out of there no matter how much they do that.
當弟弟真的好衰。你再怎麼吸也不會跑出東西啦。

This last one was sent in from Nikos Carly from Studio City, California.
最後一張是加州影視城的 Nikos Carly 寄來的。

You know? Who leaves kids with a bucket of paint? “Mommy’s gonna run out to the store now, so, here’s some paint." Aw, this is why I love that you have kids and I don’t.
就是，誰會把小孩留在家，旁邊還放一桶油漆啊？「媽咪要去商店買東西，這裡有油漆給你玩喔。」噢，你們有小孩，我沒有，這實在太愉快了。

If you have any pictures you think that I should see, please send them to me.
如果你們有任何覺得我一定要看到的照片，請寄給我。

影片來源：

「還在用 Google Home 跟 Alexa 就落伍了！快來用 Ellen 虛擬助理」- Ellen Announces Her New Virtual Assistant

「Google Home 跟 Alexa 已經落伍了！快來用 Ellen 虛擬助理」- Ellen Announces Her New Virtual Assistant

初級 Beginners,北美腔,已上字幕影片,科普 Science,趣味 Entertainment,,

[youtubelearn video_code="lPqWG9TZbqU" srt_name="ellensvirtualassistant" player_length=""]

Because right now, I want to show you a new product. You know, people love these virtual assistants, like Google, and Google Home, and Alexa. So I thought, Why shouldn’t I have my own? So I came out with my own. And this is our first commercial.
因為現在我想給你們看一個新產品。你知道，大家都很喜歡虛擬助理，像是 Google、Google Home 還有 Alexa。所以我就想說，為什麼我不能有自己的虛擬助理呢？所以我就開發了自己的。這是我們第一支廣告宣傳片。

Virtual assistants like Siri, Google Home, and Alexa have made lives easier for people all over the world. That’s why we’re happy to introduce Ellen, the latest in virtual assistant technology. Just say “Ellen," followed by a question.
像是 Siri、Google Home 和 Alexa 這類的虛擬助理讓世界各地的人們生活更加便利。於是我們很開心地向大家介紹 Ellen，虛擬助理科技界最新的產品。只要說「Ellen」，接著問你想問的問題。

Ellen, what time is it?
Ellen，現在幾點了？

It’s 8:45 a.m.
早上 8:45。

It’s that simple. And Ellen knows everything that Ellen DeGeneres knows.
就是那麼簡單。Ellen 知道所有艾倫·狄珍妮知道的事情。

Ellen, where’s the nearest DMV?
Ellen，離這裡最近的監理所在哪裡啊？

Oh, gosh. I have no idea. I haven’t been to the DMV in probably, I don’t know, 25 years.
喔，天哪。我不知道欸。我已經大概，不知道，25 年沒去過監理站了。

You can use Ellen to check the weather.
你也可以問 Ellen 天氣狀況。

Ellen, what’s the weather gonna be like today?
Ellen，今天天氣如何？

Hold on. Siri, what’s the weather gonna be like today?
等一下。Siri，今天天氣如何？

84 degrees and sunny.
華氏 84 度，晴朗。

84 degrees and sunny.
華氏 84 度，晴朗。

Or use Ellen to order your household essentials.
或者你也可以用 Ellen 來訂購家庭用品。

Ellen, buy more olive oil.
Ellen，多買點橄欖油。

Buying Ellen underwear.
正在購買 Ellen 牌內衣褲。

You can even ask Ellen about the latest movies.
你也可以問 Ellen 最新的電影。

Ellen, what movies are playing tonight?
Ellen，今晚有放映什麼電影？

You really want to go to the movies? So expensive. I remember back in the day when it was, like, I don’t know, five dollars, right? Now it’s, like, 15 dollars or more, like, maybe 20 if you want to see 3D. And is 3D worth it? I feel like it’s not worth it. And you’re probably gonna have to take somebody, a date or a friend, and that’s 40 dollars. And then you want popcorn, which is like eight dollars. And then you’d need a drink. Can’t have popcorn without a drink, so that’s another six bucks. And candy, of course, candy. Who doesn’t want candy? And that’s five do—
你真的想去看電影？超貴的耶。我記得以前是，大概，不知道，5 塊錢，對吧？現在大概要 15 元，還超過咧，如果要看 3D 的大概要 20 元。3D 真的有那個價值嗎？我是覺得沒價值啦。而且你可能還要帶個人一起去，約會對象或是朋友，這樣就要 40 元。然後又想要買爆米花，大概要 8 元。然後又需要喝點飲料。吃爆米花一定少不了飲料，所以又要多 6 塊錢。還有糖果，對，糖果。誰不喜歡糖果？這樣又要多 5 塊－－

The Ellen virtual assistant.
Ellen 虛擬助理。

影片來源：

「這些你連聽都沒聽過的地方，這個五歲的地理小天才竟然都知道！」- Ellen Meets a Five-Year-Old Geography Expert

「這些你連聽都沒聽過的地方，這個五歲的地理小天才竟然都知道！」- Ellen Meets a Five-Year-Old Geography Expert

中級 Intermediate,北美腔,已上字幕影片,會談 Interviews,趣味 Entertainment,,,,,,,,

[youtubelearn video_code="0POHnKF2pH4" srt_name="5yearoldgeographyexpert" player_length=""]

Our next guest can pretty much identify every place in the world, and he’s only five years old. From Stratford, Connecticut, please welcome Nate Seltzer.
我們下一個來賓可以認出世界上幾乎每個地方，而且他只有五歲。來自康乃狄克州的斯特拉特福，讓我們歡迎 Nate Seltzer。

You memorized the entire globe, right?
你把整個地球都背起來了，對不對？

Uh-huh.
對。

Do you have a favorite state in the United States?
你有最喜歡美國的哪個州嗎？

Yes.
有。

What is it?
哪一個？

Missouri.
密蘇里。

Oh, Missouri.
喔，密蘇里。

Why is that?
為什麼呢？

Because it starts with an M.
因為它是 M 開頭的。

So does Montana.
蒙大拿也是。

And Michigan.
還有密西根。

And, and—
還有，還有－－

Massachusetts.
麻薩諸塞。

And Maryland.
跟馬里蘭。

And Maine.
跟緬因。

And mmm…yeah… But still, you chose—
嗯…對…但你還是選－－

Minnesota.
明尼蘇達。

And yeah. Anything else? Mississippi. But, so, how come Missouri? You just like it?
對。還有嗎？密西西比。但你為什麼選密蘇里？就只是喜歡密蘇里？

Yeah.
對。

Okay. I’m not gonna question anymore. Here’s some maps that you drew. Tell me about these maps right here, okay?
好。我不要再質問你了。這裡有一些你畫的地圖。跟我說說這些地圖，好嗎？

First, let’s do this one.
那我們先講這張。

Okay. Which one?
好。哪張？

First—
先－－

This one?
這張？

Uh, no.
呃，不是。

No.
不是。

That one’s not a map.
那不是地圖。

That’s not a map. No. That’s a house.
那不是地圖。不是。那是棟房屋。

Yes.
對。

That’s really sweet.
很溫馨。

That’s Universal Studios.
那是環球影城。

Oh, look at that.
喔，看看它。

See, look!
看到了嗎，妳看！

Yeah, it is. Smaller than I remember. All right. Tell me about this map.
有，沒錯。比我記得的還要小。好。跟我介紹一下這張地圖。

Okay. First, we’ll start with Antarctica.
好。我們先從南極開始。

Okay.
好。

Okay. See this…umm, you know, black thing?
好。妳有看到…嗯，妳知道，這個黑色的東西嗎？

Uh-huh.
有。

That’s a penguin.
那是企鵝。

Oh, it’s a penguin!
喔，這是企鵝！

And this is an iceberg, and it’s melting. And this is just a little ice cube.
然後這是冰山，它在融化。然後這只是個小冰塊。

Oh, wow. So you put little things depending on what lives there. What is this right here?
喔，哇。所以上面住著什麼你就把這些小東西畫上去。那這邊這是什麼？

That’s Russia.
那是俄羅斯。

And what is that on Russia?
那站在俄羅斯上的這個是什麼？

It’s…it’s really funny.
這個…這很好笑。

What is it?
是什麼？

Trump.
川普。

Why… Why is Trump on Russia?
為什麼…為什麼川普在俄羅斯？

Because he likes Russia.
因為他喜歡俄羅斯。

Because he likes Russia. Okay. All right. And what else do we… Who… Where’s this? Who’s that?
因為他喜歡俄羅斯。好。好的。那還有什麼…誰…這是哪裡？那是誰？

That’s Africa.
那是非洲。

And who’s there?
誰住在那裡？

Umm, this is the pyramid of Egypt.
嗯，這是埃及的金字塔。

Oh, wow.
喔，哇。

And then that looks like termites or bumblebees or something.
然後那看起來像是白蟻或是大黃蜂或什麼的。

No.
不是。

What is it?
那這是什麼？

That’s a tiger.
那是老虎。

Oh, sorry. So sorry.
喔，抱歉。真抱歉。

Let’s go over some of these. Let’s look at flags because you can identify every single flag, right?
那我們來看看這些。我們來看看國旗，因為你認得出每面國旗，對吧？

Uh-huh.
對。

This is really impressive to me. You’re five years old.
我真的很佩服耶。你才五歲。

Yes.
對。

And I like… What is this?
我喜歡…這是哪裡？

Canada.
加拿大。

That is right.
沒錯。

And this is?
那這是？

Japan.
日本。

That’s right.
答對了。

And this is?
那這是？

Denmark.
丹麥。

That’s right.
沒錯。

And?
還有？

Chad.
查德。

Sure.
當然。

Estonia.
愛沙尼亞。

Estonia.
愛沙尼亞。

The Maldives.
馬爾地夫。

That’s right.
沒錯。

Nauru. Kazakhstan. Tonga. Yemen. The Gambia. Eritrea.
諾魯。哈薩克。東加。葉門。甘比亞。厄利垂亞。

Are we doing more?
還有多一點可以猜嗎？

It’s really good!
實在太棒了！

Is there more?
還有嗎？

Yeah, there’s more.
有，還有。

Is this fun for you?
你覺得這很好玩嗎？

It is really fun.
超級好玩。

It’s really amazing!
你實在太強了！

This is?
這是？

Italy.
義大利。

It sure is.
當然是。

Mexico. China. The Seychelles. Russia. Djibouti.
墨西哥。中國。塞席爾。俄羅斯。吉布地。

Your booty.
你的屁屁。

Kazakhstan. Guatemala. Kuwait.
哈薩克。瓜地馬拉。科威特。

Wow!
哇！

Is there more?
還有嗎？

That’s all! That’s all! But wait. I heard you wanna design cars, so I got you a little gift. I think you’re gonna like it a whole lot.
全部都講完了！沒了！但等等。我聽說你想要設計車子，所以我要送你一點小禮物。我覺得你會超愛。

Uh-huh.
好。

Look at it. Come over here.
看那個。過來這邊。

Whoa! Oh, my goodness! Oh, my goodness!
嗚哇！我的天哪！我的天哪！

Isn’t that cool?
是不是很酷？

This is great!
真的太棒了！

Isn’t that great?
是不是很棒？

This is awesome!
真的太讚了！

I know! That’s yours.
我知道！現在是你的了。

Mommy has to see this.
這一定要給媽咪看。

Mommy does have to see this.
沒錯，一定要給媽咪看。

Look at all the flags on it!
你看上面都是國旗！

The flags and the wheels have globes on them and you’ve got… Isn’t that cool? That’s yours. You take that home, all right?
有國旗，然後輪胎上還有地球儀，還有…是不是很酷？那是送你的。你可以把這台車帶回家，好嗎？

Thank you very much!
真的太謝謝妳了！

You’re welcome.
不客氣。

影片來源：

「比爾‧蓋茲來估價－－民生用品猜猜猜！」- Billionaire Bill Gates Guesses Grocery Store Prices

「比爾‧蓋茲來估價－－民生用品猜猜猜！」- Billionaire Bill Gates Guesses Grocery Store Prices

中級 Intermediate,北美腔,已上字幕影片,趣味 Entertainment,,,,,,

[youtubelearn video_code="ad_higXixRA" srt_name="grocerystoreprices" player_length=""]

All right. We’re gonna test your knowledge of some everyday items that you get at the supermarket. When is the last time that you have been at a supermarket?
好的。我們要來考驗一下你對一些在超市買得到的日用品的認識。你上一次去超市是什麼時候？

Long time ago.
很久很久以前。

Okay. All right. This will be interesting. All right. If you can guess three out of the five products within a dollar of each one, the audience will get something. Okay? If…if you get all of them, we’ll pay off your children’s student loans.
嗯。好。這下有意思了。好。如果你 5 樣商品能猜中 3 樣，每個的差距都在 1 美元內，那觀眾就能獲得獎品。沒問題嗎？如果…如果你全都猜對，我們就還清你家小孩的學貸。

No danger there.
不可能全對的。

All right. tWitch is gonna be our price model. Um, and here we go.
好。tWitch 會擔任幫忙我們公佈價格的模特兒。開始吧。

There is Rice-A-Roni right there—the San Francisco treat, of course. How much do you think Rice-A-Roni would be, within a dollar?
那裡有 Rice-A-Roni－－舊金山美食，當然。你覺得 Rice-A-Roni 要多少錢，只能有 1 塊差距？

Hmm…five dollars.
嗯…5 塊錢。

Okay, let’s…
好，讓我們來…

The audience didn’t like that.
觀眾不滿意那個答案。

Let’s see.
我們來瞧瞧。

Ready?
準備好了嗎？

Oh, it’s a dollar. Look, what a bargain!
噢，是 1 塊錢。你看，多划算啊！

I’ll take five!
那我買 5 盒！

I know. All right.
是吧。好的。

Okay.
好。

Tide Pods—you’ve been hearing a lot about those lately. What do you think?
汰漬洗衣球－－最近很夯。你覺得哩？

Four dollars. No, no. They want me to go higher.
4 塊。不對、不對。他們要我喊高一點。

Yeah.
沒錯。

Let’s go with 10, 10, 10 dollar.
那我們就猜 10…10 塊好了。

All right.
沒問題。

Ready?
準備好了嗎？

Nineteen dollars and ninety-seven cents. It’s expensive to do laundry.
19.97 塊美金。洗衣服是很貴的。

I’ll take a half.
那我買半罐。

It’s, uh, very costly. Okay, now, very important…
要花很多錢。好，現在，非常重要…

This is my best chance with this one.
這一個是我最有機會猜中的。

Really?
真的嗎？

Yeah.
對。

Because you floss?
因為你有在用牙線剔牙？

Absolutely.
一點也沒錯。

Yeah. I floss as well. It’s very important to keep your gums in good health. All right. That’s floss. How much would you say that floss is?
嗯。我也會用牙線。保持牙齦健康是很重要的。好的。牙線。你說那牙線要賣多少錢呢？

I would say four dollars.
我會說是 4 塊錢。

Look at you! Three seventy-eight! That’s one! All right. You need to get both of these within a dollar so that they get something. If not, you get to run to your car.
看看你！3.78 塊美金！猜中一個了！好。你這兩樣要在 1 元的誤差內全猜中，這樣觀眾才有獎品可拿。如果沒猜中的話，你可以逃到你的車上。

Uh, Totino’s Pizza Rolls. One bag of Totino Pizza Rolls. Totino’s, have some tonight—hot…from the oven.
那麼，Totino’s 披薩捲。一包 Totino‘s 披薩捲。Totino’s，今晚來一點－－火熱…剛從烤箱出爐。

I’ll go with, uh, 22. No, no. Fifteen, fifteen!
我會猜 22 塊。不不。15、15 塊！

No!
不對啦！

Lower, lower.
低一點、低一點。

Eight!
8 塊！

All right. Let’s try it! Eight dollars! Eight ninety-eight! Totino’s. That’s two in a row!
好。來試看看！8 塊錢！8.98 塊！Totino’s。連中兩題囉！

All right. How do you feel about this? This is TGI Fridays Frozen Spinach & Artichoke Dip. It’s eight ounces, eight ounces.
好呦。你覺得這一個怎麼樣？這是星期五美式餐廳的冷凍菠菜朝鮮薊沾醬。它有八盎司，八盎司喔。

It’s branded. You know… You guys think less than 10 dollars?
這有牌耶。你知道… 你們覺得這不到 10 塊錢？

Yes. Yes, we do. Yes, we think it is less.
對。對，我們是那樣想的。沒錯，我們覺得不到。

Like, seven?
7 塊左右？

Who said what? He’s saying five. Uh, somebody’s… Five or six—I would go with maybe lower than five.
有人說了什麼？他說 5 塊。呃，有人在… 5 塊或 6 塊－－我會選大概低於 5 塊的價格。

Wow. Okay, we’ll go with four.
哇。好吧，我們就選 4 塊。

Yeah, go with four. Yeah.
對，猜 4 塊。沒錯。

Good job.
幹得好。

That was a big help.
那真是幫了個大忙。

There we go! I wanna thank Bill… I wanna thank Bill. Thank you so much for being here. It’s been a pleasure seeing you. And you probably wanna know what you won, right? All right. Well, you’re all gonna come back for one of my “12 Days of Giveaways."
就是這樣！我想要感謝比爾… 我想要感謝比爾。非常謝謝你到這來。見到你很開心。然後你們可能想知道自己贏了什麼獎品，對吧？好的。你們全都要回來參加我的其中一場「十二天好禮大放送」。

It’s the most wonderful time of the year
這是一年之中最美好的時節

「過年不想太無聊，你玩過 Heads Up! 了嗎？」- ‘Heads Up!’: Chinese New Year Edition

「過年不想太無聊，你玩過 Heads Up! 了嗎？」- ‘Heads Up!’: Chinese New Year Edition

中級 Intermediate,北美腔,已上字幕影片,廣告 Commercial,趣味 Entertainment,,,,

[youtubelearn video_code="5IJtG_DsHAs" srt_name="headsupchinesenewyear" player_length=""]

All right. So we’re less than 10 days away from one of the biggest events in the world—my birthday. And then… Yeah. And then two days after that is the Chinese New Year, which I’m told is very popular as well. In celebration of the Chinese New Year, Panda Express has sponsored a new Heads Up deck, and I’m gonna play with all of you right now. And before we play, you should know that Panda Express is a restaurant, not a train filled with panda bears.
好。我們距離世界最重要的大事之一只剩不到十天了－－那就是我的生日。而… 對。我生日後兩天就是中國的新年，我聽說這節日也十分受歡迎。為了慶祝中國新年，熊貓快餐贊助了 Heads Up 一副新的牌，而我現在就要跟你們所有人一起玩。在我們開始玩之前，你應該要知道熊貓快餐是一間餐廳，不是一載滿熊貓的特快車。

All right. Here’s how we’re gonna play. There’s gonna be a word that pops up on that screen that I won’t see, and all of you have to act it out, and I’m gonna guess what it is. And if we can get 10 in one minute, you will officially be the best audience ever.
好啦。我們要這樣玩。在我看不到的螢幕上會出現一個字，你們大家要把它演出來，我會猜那是什麼字。如果我們可以在一分鐘之內答對十題，你們就會正式成為史上最讚的觀眾。

Yup. You won’t win anything, but you’ll know when you leave today… “We were the best audience ever.” Okay. Stand up. God, you all were loud when you stand up. What’s happening? All right. Ready?
沒錯。你們不會贏得任何東西，但你們今天離開的時候會知道…「我們是有史以來最棒的觀眾耶」。好。站起來吧。天啊，你們光是起立就超吵的。是怎麼啦？好了。準備好了嗎？

Oh, cutting hair. Cutting hair. Haircut. Chopsticks. Drum. Drummers. Fireworks. Cheering. Cheering. Yelling. Woo. Cheering. Congratulations. Hello. Woo. Hi. I don’t know what that was. Fortune cookie. Surprise. Smile. Happy. Happy. Oh, sipping tea. Sipping. Oh, it’s a tiny baby. You had a baby. Tiny baby. It’s a toddler. Twins.
噢，剪頭髮。剪頭髮。理髮。筷子。鼓。鼓手。煙火。歡呼。歡呼。大吼大叫。唷呼。歡呼。恭喜。哈囉。唷呼。嗨。我不知道剛剛那個是什麼。幸運餅乾。驚喜。微笑。開心。開心。噢，喝茶。小啜一口。噢，是小寶寶。你生小寶寶了。小嬰兒。是小朋友。雙胞胎。

Children.
小孩。

Children.
小孩。

Is that it? Is that all 10?
就那樣嗎？那全部有十題嗎？

Nine.
九題。

Not bad. Not bad.
還不錯。還不錯。

Yeah. You got 10. You’re the best audience ever. All right. Ever, the best audience ever. You can play the Chinese New Year deck at home. Just download Heads Up in the app store today. We will be right back.
對啊。算你們答對十題。你們是史上最棒的觀眾。好啦。有史以來、有史以來最棒的觀眾。你可以在家玩這副中國新年牌。只要在今天於應用程式商店下載 Heads Up。我們馬上回來。

「《艾倫秀》說不出口的事，就讓 Heads Up! 幫你說」- New! Now You Can Use the “Heads Up!" App to Change Your Life!

「《艾倫秀》說不出口的事，就讓 Heads Up! 幫你說」- New! Now You Can Use the “Heads Up!" App to Change Your Life!

初級 Beginners,北美腔,已上字幕影片,趣味 Entertainment,,,,

[youtubelearn video_code="Qm5-zohOKFc" srt_name="headsup" player_length=""]

Heads Up! is one of the most popular apps of all time. You can spend hours and hours playing fun categories like Blockbuster Movies and Animals. But Ellen’s created a new category that isn’t just fun; it’s also helpful. Get ready for Uncomfortable Conversations.
Heads Up! 是史上最受歡迎的 app 之一。你可以花好幾個小時玩各種有趣的類別，像是賣座強片和動物。不過 Ellen 打造出一個全新類別，它不只有趣；還很有用。準備好來進行「尷尬對話」囉。

All right, no looking. All right, here we go.
好，不能看喔。好的，開始。

(College)
(大學)

Oh, oh, it’s a thing I’m not going to anymore, because I’m gonna be in a band instead.
喔喔，這個東西我沒有要繼續去了，因為我要改玩樂團。

Um…
呃…

Uh, after high school is…
呃，高中之後就是…

College!
大學！

Yes! Thanks for understanding.
答對了！謝謝你們的諒解。

Uncomfortable conversations have never been more fun!
進行尷尬對話從來沒這麼好玩過！

(You’re fired!)
(你被炒魷魚了！)

Okay, uh, this is what you say to someone when they don’t work somewhere anymore.
好，呃，這是你會對一個不再在某個地方上班的人說的一句話。

Um, goodbye.
呃，再見。

No, no, no. Uh, when you terminate their employment…
不不不。呃，當你不要雇用他們的時候…

You’re fired!
你被炒魷魚了！

Yeah!
沒錯！

Yeah! All right… We are going to need your desk cleared out by five. Good luck.
耶！好的… 我們要請你在五點前把座位清空。祝你好運。

(I’m gay.)
(我是同性戀。)

Oh! Uh, this is something I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time.
噢！呃，這是我老早就想告訴妳的一件事。

Oh my God. You’re proposing.
天啊。你在求婚。

Definitely not. Um…uh…it’s the reason why Brian and I go camping all the time.
絕對不是。嗯…呃…這是 Brian 和我老是去「露營」的原因。

It’s fun!
很好玩！

It is very fun. Yeah. But no. Um, it’s…
確實很好玩。沒錯。但不是。嗯，這是…

Dang, what was it?
討厭，答案是什麼？

I’m gay!
我是同性戀啦！

Oh! Wait, what?
喔！等等，什麼？

Heads Up! Uncomfortable Conversations—it’s never been this fun to get something off your chest.
Heads Up! 尷尬對話－－說出內心話從來沒這麼充滿樂趣過。

影片來源：

「《艾倫秀》這些廣告，真的沒在開玩笑嗎？！」- Badvertising

「《艾倫秀》這些廣告，真的沒在開玩笑嗎？！」- Badvertising

人文 Humanities and Cultures,初級 Beginners,北美腔,已上字幕影片,趣味 Entertainment,,

[youtubelearn video_code="nhSRh_UU66g" srt_name="badvertising" player_length=""]

It’s easy to make mistakes, but some mistakes are a little more embarrassing than others. I’m gonna show you what I mean. It’s a new segment we call Badvertising.
我們很容易會犯錯，不過有些錯就比較糗一些了。我來讓你們看看我在說什麼。這是一個我們取名為《超瞎廣告》的新單元。

This one is for a pregnancy test. This is a real ad. She seems so surprised. I mean…if you look like that and you’re shocked that you’re pregnant, you should not have a child.
這一個是驗孕的。這是真的廣告喔。她看起來超驚訝。我說啊…如果妳都那樣了然後妳還被自己懷孕嚇到，那妳實在不應該生小孩。

Here’s one—this is a clothing ad from Target, which seems normal, but then you look closely and the dad has three hands. Yeah.
還有一個－－這一個是 Target 百貨的服飾廣告，看起來沒什麼異狀，但你仔細一看，這位爸爸居然有三隻手。是啊。

Uh, this is a billboard for a beer company. Now, in the front, it looks okay…but from behind—take it down. Take it down, take it down, take it down. If you see a bad ad and you think I should see, please send it to me.
呃，這一個是某家啤酒商的看板。現在，從前面看，沒問題…不過從後面－－撤下來。撤下來、撤下來、撤下來。如果你發現什麼很瞎的廣告然後你覺得我應該看到，請把它寄給我。

影片來源：

「Ellen 抱怨星巴克怪現象，每個都超有共鳴啊！」- Starbucks Manners from Ellen

「Ellen 抱怨星巴克怪現象，每個都超有共鳴啊！」- Starbucks Manners from Ellen

人文 Humanities and Cultures,初級 Beginners,北美腔,已上字幕影片,趣味 Entertainment,,,,

[youtubelearn video_code="yJ1ss_Ahb44" srt_name="ellenstarbucksmanners" player_length=""]

So this morning, I went to Starbucks. You know Starbucks. You’ve heard of Starbucks? Yup. There’s one on the corner next to the Starbucks across from the Starbucks.
今天早上我去了星巴克。你知道星巴克。聽過星巴克吧？沒錯。轉角那有一家在星巴克對面那家星巴克旁邊的星巴克。

Go in there for coffee—should be simple. You go in, you order; they say, “What’s your name?" You tell them your name. A few minutes later, they hand you a coffee that says “Helen." You know.
進去那點咖啡－－應該沒什麼困難。你進去、點餐；店員說：「你的名字是？」你告訴他們你的名字。幾分鐘後，他們遞給你一杯寫著「Helen」的咖啡。你懂的。

Should be easy—it’s not. First, there’s a long line. Why is there a line? I mean, there are more Starbucks in the world than there are people. We should all—we should have our individual Starbucks by now.
應該要很簡單－－並不簡單。首先，有一條長長的排隊隊伍。怎麼要排隊哩？我是說，世界上的星巴克都比人多了。我們應該都－－我們現在應該都有個人專屬星巴克吧。

I think one reason is—the line is so long because there are people don’t know what to order. That’s one of the things. These people, they go every single day, and then they just stare up at the menu. Like seeing it for the first time. It’s the same menu. Nothing’s changed. They have coffee, they have tea, and they have Michael Buble CDs. Choose something!
我想一個原因是－－隊伍那麼長，因為有人不知道要點什麼。那是其中一件事。這些人，他們每天都去星巴克，然後他們就只是傻傻看著飲料目錄。就像第一次看到它一樣。那是同樣的飲料目錄。什麼都沒變。星巴克有咖啡、有茶，然後他們還有 Michael Buble 的 CD。選一樣就好啦！

And then there are the people who know what they want, but they’re…they—it’s so complicated. That’s the problem with it. There’s a woman in front of me, she ordered a…a mocha no-foam extra-whip sugar-free double-shot non-fat vanilla iced Ariana Grande. And…
然後有知道自己要什麼的人，不過他們…他們－－有夠複雜的。那就是問題所在。我前面有一個女人，她點一杯…一杯摩卡無奶泡多鮮奶油無糖雙份濃縮咖啡無脂香草小天后大杯星冰樂(註一)。然後…

Then after you place your order, you walk over to the barista station, which is a fancy name for “coffee-pourer person," and— This is a place where people stand as close to the counter as they possibly can, even though there are 12 people waiting for their order that were before them.
接著你點完咖啡後，你走去咖啡調理師櫃台，那是「倒咖啡的人」比較厲害的名字，然後－－ 這是一個大家都盡可能要站得離櫃檯很近的地方，就算前面有十二個人在等他們的咖啡了。

And then, after you get your coffee, you have a seat, which—you can’t find a seat. It’s impossible, because I call them “Starbucks Squatters." That’s what they—they order one coffee, and then they sit there…eight to 12 hours. And they bring so much stuff with them. It looks like they’re moving in. They have a newspaper. They have a book, a charger, a laptop, extension cords, a cot…pictures of their family, a personal assistant, a garden hose—I don’t know why.
然後，你拿到咖啡後，你有座位，那－－你找不到半個位子。不可能有位子，因為我叫他們「星巴克非法居民」。那就是他們－－他們點一杯咖啡，接著他們就坐在那…八到十二個小時。他們帶了一堆東西。看起來就像他們要搬進去住一樣。他們有一份報紙。他們有一本書、充電器、筆電、延長線、一張折疊床…家人的照片、個人助理、花園水管－－不知道幹嘛帶。

No one should spend that much time at a Starbucks, which brings me to the dress code. And I’ve mentioned this before, but spandex bike shorts are not acceptable. A. You’re sweaty. B. No one wants to see you dig in there for exact change. There is nothing worse than a warm dollar.
沒有人應該花那麼多時間在星巴克，那讓我想到服儀規定。我之前提過這，不過彈性單車短褲是不可接受的。A. 你臭汗淋漓。B. 沒人想看你在單車短褲裡挖零錢。沒有什麼比殘有體溫的錢更糟了。

Uh-oh. Did you wanna see more videos? Hold on.
喔喔。想看更多影片嗎？等等。

註一：Ariana Grande 是美國流行小天后，因為名字聽起來太像星巴克飲品，所以就有人嘗試點了一杯，而店員也真的特製出 Ariana Grande 口味的星冰樂。Grande 剛好是杯子尺寸的「大杯」，故此處譯作「小天后大杯星冰樂」增添趣味。

影片來源：

「這些標誌起肖了嗎？」- Funny Signs: Undercover Police

「這些標誌起肖了嗎？」- Funny Signs: Undercover Police

初級 Beginners,北美腔,已上字幕影片,趣味 Entertainment,,

[youtubelearn video_code="DuhbdpfkMys" srt_name="ellensign" player_length=""]

Let’s take a look at some signs you’ve been sending in for our segment. It’s called, “What’s Wrong with These Signs? Signs."
來看看你們寄給節目單元的一些標誌。這單元叫做：「這些標誌起肖了嗎？標誌。」

Andy made me stop.
Andy 叫我停下來的。

Theresa Johnstone sent this in from Nashville, Tennessee. “This sign was posted in my neighborhood." It says, “Undercover police operation in progress." Wow! And if that sign wasn’t bad enough, look at the sign next to it. “He’s hiding in the bushes!" It gives it away, see? Doesn’t seem smart, see?
Theresa Johnstone 從田納西州 Nashville 寄來這個。「這標誌被立在我家附近。」上面說：「秘密臥底行動執行中。」哇！如果那個標誌還不夠糟，看看它旁邊的標誌。「他躲在樹叢裡！」這標誌出賣它了，你看到沒？看起來不太聰明，對吧？

Jennifer Kennedy from Lancaster Park, Canada. “My husband saw this sign on his way home from work." It says, “Portia Chain Up Area Here." That’s why I can’t get Portia to Canada. She won’t go. It’s so polite and yet so freaky.
來自加拿大 Lancaster Park 的 Jennifer Kennedy。「我老公下班回家時看到這個標誌。」上面說：「Portia 被鎖住區(註一)。」那就是為什麼我沒辦法讓 Portia 去加拿大。她不去。這標誌既有禮貌又真是太古怪了！

Lena Ng? Her last name is N-G. Ng. I hope that’s right. From Singapore. “This sign was posted at my local acupuncture clinic." It says, “Please check that all acupuncture needles are taken out before you leave this clinic!! Thank you!" When did that become the customer’s responsibility? Why?
Lena Ng？她的姓是 N-G。Ng。希望我沒唸錯。來自新加坡。「這個標誌被貼在我這的針灸診所。」上面說：「請在您離開診所前檢查一下所有的針灸針都有拔出來！！感謝您！」那什麼時候變顧客的責任啦？為啥？

Felicia Etsody from Smith Lake, New Mexico, “I saw this sign and I had to share it with you."
來自新墨西哥州 Smith Lake 的 Felicia Etsody：「我看見這個標誌，我一定得和你分享。」

“We will no longer accept money out of undergarments."
「我們將不再收受從貼身衣物內掏出來的錢。」

How much? 20? Oh, 25. Oh, wait a minute! It means for a while they were accepting money out of their undergarments. That’s why I do my shopping online.
多少？20 塊？噢，25 塊。噢，等一下！這表示有一陣子他們是接受從內衣掏出來的錢的。那就是為什麼我都網購。

Thanks for sending those in. If you see a sign that’s not quite right, send it to me.
謝謝你們寄那些來。如果你看見一個滿不正常的標誌，寄給我。

註一：這標誌原意是「Portia(地名)，汽車上雪鍊區」。Portia 恰巧是 Ellen 老婆的名字，而 chain up 也有鎖住的意思。

影片來源：

「Ellen 脫口秀：愚人節快樂！」- April Fools’!

「Ellen 脫口秀：愚人節快樂！」- April Fools’!

初級 Beginners,北美腔,已上字幕影片,趣味 Entertainment,,

[youtubelearn video_code="E8GQbpTNII0" srt_name="ellenaprilfool" player_length=""]

I am sure you’re wondering why I’m wearing a neck brace. It’s a crazy story. I was driving to work this morning, and all of a sudden out of nowhere, I got hit by…the realization that this is April Fools’ Day! I don’t have a…
我確定你們都在想為什麼我戴了個護頸。這是個瘋狂的故事。今天早上我開車上班，然後突然不知道從哪冒出來，我被撞到…我被今天是愚人節的發現撞到啦！我沒怎樣啦…

Uh…yeah, that was just a little April Fools’ Day—a little fun. Did you know—here’s some information for you—April Fools’ Day originated in France in the 1500s? Yeah. I’m kidding. That’s not true. No, it is. It is. No, it’s not. It is. It is…not. It is not true.
呃…對啦，那只是一點點愚人節快樂－－小小玩笑囉。你知道嗎－－告訴你一些資訊－－你知道愚人節是在十六世紀時起源於法國的嗎？ 沒錯。我在開玩笑。那不是真的。不，那是。那是真的。不，這不是。這是。這…不是。這不是真的。

So the French New Year used to be in April, and in the 1500s, they changed it to January, but back then they didn’t have Twitter, so not everyone got the message. So people who lived in rural areas kept celebrating New Year’s Eve in April, and then they were called April fools. And that’s how it originated.
法國新年原本是在四月，而十六世紀時，他們把新年改到一月，但那時候人們還沒有 Twitter，所以不是所有人都有收到那消息。所以住在郊區的人們繼續在四月時慶祝除夕，然後他們就被叫四月愚人。那就是愚人節的由來。

Not really. No, really, it is. I’m not sure. But anyway… But some people really, really get into April Fools’. They go crazy with it. Countries have different traditions.
不完全是。不，真的，是這樣。我不確定啦。但總之… 但有些人真的、真的很迷愚人節。他們超瘋愚人節的。各國有不同的習俗。

In Portugal—and this is true—they throw flour on someone. That is how they celebrate. And in France, they try to tape a paper fish onto someone’s back without the person noticing. And then the person has to try to take it off, but it’s hard because the French person has a croissant in one hand, a cigarette in the other hand, and they’re trying to keep their beret from flying away, walking their poodle. Have you been to France? That’s what they do. They all do that. This is true. In Belgium, kids are encouraged to lock their parents out of the house and hide. And in America, we do that on Thanksgiving.
在葡萄牙－－這是真的喔－－他們丟麵粉在某人身上。那就是他們慶祝的方式。在法國，他們試著偷偷背著某人在他背上貼一隻紙魚。然後那個人得試著把紙魚拿掉，但這可不容易，因為法國人一手拿著可頌，另一手拿一支菸，而且他們還要試著不要讓貝雷帽飛走、遛他們的獅子狗。你有去過法國嗎？法國人就是這樣。他們都那樣做。這是真的。在比利時，小孩們被鼓吹把他們的爸媽鎖在屋外然後躲起來。但在美國，我們是在感恩節時那樣做。

Some people are very elaborate with their pranks. This morning, I was driving to work, and this guy dressed as a cop pulled me over, and he had the fake cop car. He had the sirens and everything. And he gave me a “ticket," you know, said I was “speeding," and it was like “160 dollars.” And I’m like, “Okay," you know.
有些人的惡作劇很精細。今天早上，我開車上班，然後這個扮得像條子的傢伙叫我把車停到路邊，他還有台山寨版警車。他有警笛還有所有配備。然後他開給我一張「罰單」，你知道的，寫著我「超速」，而且那好像是「160 塊美金」。然後我就像這樣「好唄」，你知道。

But really, you have to be careful. No matter what they say on April Fools’ Day, people won’t believe you. Like, I said I was joking about having a bad neck, and the truth is I can’t dance today. And…no, I can’t. I can’t.
但說真的，你得小心點。不管他們在愚人節說什麼，人們都不會相信你。像是，我說我是開個脖子不舒服的玩笑，但事實是我今天不能跳舞。而且…不，我不行。我沒辦法。

April Fools’! We can.
愚人節快樂啦！我們可以跳。

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